Contents of Letters
by Larkawolfgirl
Summary: These are my imagined contents that Nowaki wrote to Hiro-san while away in America. New, secret letters that Hiroki wrote!
1. Letter 1

Dear Hiro-san,

I wish I'd never left you. I miss you so much. Each night I dream of your touch and imagine that you're here with me. The only thing that keeps me here is that the sooner I get my work done the sooner I can go back to you. I've been doubling all my work just so I can reach you that much sooner. I love you. I want to pull you close. I love you. I love you.

~Nowaki


	2. Letter 2

Dear Hiro-san,

Today we were talking about the effects on humans during space travel. There was a picture of a rocket ship. I thought of you and could no longer focus. Do you remember how we met? My toy rocket landed at your feet. I found you crying and fell in love with you at that moment. All I wanted was to whipe those tears away. And eventually I was able to replace you sadness with love. I love you, Hiro-san. I love you. I wish I could just run back to you, but if I did I would not be worthy a man to be with you. I need to become a doctor or I'll never be on the same level as you are. You are such an amazing person. I hope I can become more like you.

~Nowaki


	3. Letter 3

Dear Hiro-san,

Today they took us to a hotel. There was a giant bathtub. While I was in it I felt so lonely. I leaded back and closed my eyes. When I reopened them I would have sworn that you were there with me. When I realized you weren't the pain griped me. When I get back can we take a bath together? I love and miss you.

~Nowaki


	4. Letter 4

Dear Hiro-san,

Last night I couldn't sleep. It was so cold. It's the middle of winter and the furnace broke. Lying there freezing I thought of the warmth you would have given me. I miss your touch. The feel of you heat spreading into my veins just from being close to you. Sometimes I become crazed; slightly rabid. I do weird things out of need and awake horrified at myself for doing them. I need you, Hiro-san, more than you can even imagine. You are stronger to me than any drug could be and I had to stop cold turkey. I long for our reunion with burning desire. I found myself writing Nowaki heart Hiro-san in a heart I had made out of snow on the sidewalk. I love you, Hiro-san.

~Nowaki


	5. Letter 5

Dear Hiro-san,

Today was my birthday. It felt weird being alone. I know that it shouldn't have bothered me since I was alone for so much of my life, but getting to know you has changed that. I know now that no matter how far apart we are I will never be alone again. I live within you, Hiro-san. I love you more than anything else, because you are the home I was always searching for. I don't need anything else if I can just be beside you. You are my heroine and I am going through withdrawal. I can endure this pain though so that when I return to you I shall be able to prove that I have become a much better man.

~Nowaki


	6. Letter 6

Dear Hiro-san,

I will be on my way back tomorrow and I can't help but be a little scared. Have you changed? Are we still compatible? I only hope that you did wait for me. It would kill me to find that you had found another man, or worse got with that Akihiko. I trust you more than anyone, but I have doubts. I'm sorry Hiro-san. You are my life. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't known that would be there to return to. I just love you so unbearably. I can't believe that this time tomorrow I may actually be in your arms again. Please know that all these three years there has never been anything except for you.

~Nowaki


	7. Letter 7

Dear Nowaki,

Why aren't you writing me? I have no idea where to send this, so you must send me a letter first. You've sent nothing and it's already been months. You did not tell me you were leaving, and now you won't even write to me about where you are or how you are. You have no idea how pissed I am right now. I guess it's because I love you so God damn much. I can't believe I just wrote that. Should I scribble it out? No, you won't even see this anyway...


	8. Letter 8

Dear Nowaki,

I miss you. Where did you go? Is it so far away that you can't even write me? Are you that busy? Am I so unimportant to you? Are you ever coming back to me or should I just move on? Couldn't you have at least said goodbye It's so quiet without you here...


	9. Letter 9

**I know that it's past Christmas and it's weird that I had a Christmas idea but it just hit me this morning so I wrote it.**

Dear Nowaki,

Yesterday was Christmas. How was it for you? Mine was complete shit. I can't believe I'm even gonna say this but yet again you will never see these so who gives a shit? I know it was completely childish but I kept thinking to myself "If there is such a thing as Santa Clause, please let him bring Nowaki back to me." Well, the whole day went by and you never showed. Guess I can finally be 100% sure that he's not out there. How ironic, right? I finally get over my doubt and grow up entirely only when I'm a mess. Why the hell did you leave me Nowaki? Was it as much fun spending Christmas alone for you as it was for me? I figured after being an orphan you would want to spend the rest of your Christmases with me. Guess that was just wishful thinking. God, maybe you weren't even alone. Found some new guy to pick up? What am I even thinking...I know you better than that, but you just hurt me so much. Why would you leave with no notice? What could possibly be that important? I struggle every day to tell myself I'm not worthless that there's a chance you really did love me. What could you be feeling I wonder. Hiden away God knows where. I miss you so much. I hope your happy for chaning my heartache to joy just to rip it back out again. But for your information this is worse. Much worse. Now I know exactly what I'm missing. Your beautiful blue eyes, those gentle touches, those sweet whispers of "Hiro-san", those kind gestures. All gone. And it's your fault. It's all your fault. Merry Christmas, Nowaki...


	10. Letter 10

Nowaki, you dumb bastard! Do you know how cold it is here with you gone? No matter how many times I utter the words "I'm cold" no arms come around me. No one embraces me throughout the night. No words of endless love surround me, guarding me from the cold and darkness. Before I knew you I had build my own barriers against the elements. I'd had to. I had been alone and suffering. But then you appeared and shared the fight. Together I felt that we would win against anything. Apparently I had been wrong...


	11. Letter 11

I'm so embarassed to admit this but I'm hoping that by putting it down on paper they're stop. I've been having nightmares lately. It is always the same. It starts back before you when I was pineing over Akihiko. I see him captivated by Takahiro and I feel that familiar stab to my chest. Then it goes to that one night. I don't think I ever told you about that but we did have a one night. I could feel his touch and the possibility of my heart finally mending but then I hear it. That one word spoiling it all- Takahiro. I could feel my heartache, my pain. Then you were there. I felt your love radiating around me. I felt safe and at peace. We made love beauitfully and then agressively. I loved every moment of it but then the dream shifted and you were wearing a blindfold. I became nervious but tried to remain calm. It was you after all. You wouldn't do anything to cut my heart out right? Then I heard it-Takahiro. First in his voice then yours. Then I found myself alone in darkness. I screamed but nothing came to my rescue. Then the darkness swept around me constrincting me, making me sufficate. Then I would wake up alone still. I really don't know how long I can keep going on like this. I miss you so much and I can't help but blame myself. Am I just meant to be unloved? Have I committed some grave injustice in a past life that I have to pay for? I don't know. All I know is that your gone and I think I may go insane without you.


End file.
